Scroll down for sample questions
Every conversation is going to look and feel different.
My goal is to get physical details with emotional context so we can understand the arc(s) of your sex life, plus all the details of what you love, what you've learned, and what you hope for the future – both for yourself and for the world.
If you had to rate yourself on a sexual shame-o-meter, with 1 (shameless!) to 10 (so full of shame), where do you fall today?
What's your sex life like right now?
What does "sexy" mean to you?
What happens to your shame-o-meter when it's time to talk to your partner about safer sex? How would the ideal version of this conversation go?
When do you first remember hearing about sex?
What were your early understandings of what it was, or what it meant?
How did the culture, religion and family values influence your understanding of sex growing up?
How did your family talk about sex when you were growing up?
How does that compare to now?
How hard is it for you to talk about sex? Why?
Did you get a sex talk?
What do you remember about sex ed in school?
What did you learn about consent as a child?
What is the first sexual experience you remember having?
When did you start touching yourself?
How did you do it?
How does it compare to how you masturbate now?
If you've had variations in your solo sex, what have they been like, and what's inspired them?
When did you start touching other people?
How do you define the sexual "bases"?
When did you get to each base, and how did you feel about the experience?
Tell us the details of how you give oral sex and which body parts you'll go down on.
Tell us the details of how you like to receive oral sex!
What are some of your favorite things about sex?
What's your body like?
When do you feel most in touch with your body?
What are your biggest turn-ons?
What do you need in order to cum?
Do you talk about sex with partners ahead of time?
How do you initiate it?
How thorough are you?
Does talking about sex feel easy, and if so, how did you get so comfy with it, and how did you learn how to talk about it?
(^^this is the reason this podcast exists; I am very comfortable talking about sex in general, in great detail, with whoever. And, I still get nervous/shy/anxious/awkward during attempts with partners, and my computer brain needs at least a bajillion human examples so I can figure out WTF is happening and how I can emulate sexy human conversation.)
Tell us about the health & safety conversations you have with partners ahead of time.
What does it look like?
Do you usually initiate, or do they?
What kind of protection do you use?
If you've had an STI, will you please fucking tell us about it so we can de-stigmatize that shit? I have herpes in my throat because my partner didn't tell me he'd slept with someone else unprotected (even though I asked him to) and I like deep throating. Before you judge:
When was the last time you gave or received a blowjob with a condom on? Your turn.
Are you into sexting?
Do you send and receive nudes?
What porn do you like?
What sex toys do you have?
Tell us about your kinks!
How did you discover them?
How much have you explored so far?
How did you talk about it with partners ahead of time?
What do you do to ensure safety?
Are you into group sex?
What's your fantasy group sex situation?
If you've experienced group sex, what did you like best about it? What did you like least?
If you haven't experienced group sex but want to, what do you think you'd like best? What do you think you might like least?
If you aren't into it, why?
Do you have any sex party/club / swinger's party/club experiences? Tell us!!!!
What were the rules?
How do you approach others in this environment?
How did others approach you?
What would your fantasy version of the experience be like?
Do you have sex dreams?
Do you orgasm in them?
Do you think you're actually coming in real life
What's your sexual fantasy life like?
Do you share fantasies with your partners? How?
What fantasies do you have...
...that you have but will never actually want to happen?
...that you have and would be nice if they happened, but you're like not trying to force it?
...that you really really really hope happens?
...that you NEED to make happen?
...that you totally made happen?
...that were a disaster?
Any other sexual disasters, triumphs, weird, unexpected, awkward, amazing things you can think of?
Future hopes/goals/dreams for your sex life?
What makes you feel desired and/or appreciated, sexually?
Anything else you need to say about sex in general or your own sex life?
If you could go back and give a younger version of yourself sex advice, what age(s) would you pick and what would you say?
Ask me a sex question!